I made it!

It's a happy day :)

I said in my previous post that hopefully I would be able to update you good news, and here I am!

1) I GOT INTO WARWICK UNIVERSITY.

You have no idea how happy I was on results day and I still am! Didnt get the results I expected/hoped for but Warwick still took me so I'm so grateful! Woke up and slept and woke up and slept throughout the morning. Set my alarm for 8am but the gate next door woke me up at 5.30am. I WAS SO DEPRESSED. And I checked UCAS at 7.30am and BAM. "Congratulations!"

One thing I wanna say is thank you to everyone who supported me physically and mentally throughout the year till the last minute! I went to school and my teachers were like sorry you didnt get the grades you want. I didnt get to tell them that it's okay because they have done so much for me it's unbelievable. From my own subject teachers to the admin staff to the UCAS coordinator. Cant thank them enough. Geo teacher: I'm sorry you didnt get what you want and deserve but I'll make sure I know why if we get your paper back; Head of Y13+Psy teacher: YOU GOT INTO WARWICK? I feel like crying now; UCAS Coordinator (who doesnt even teach me, like seriously): OMG WELL DONE! We were close to phoning one of the Unis yesterday to let them know how good a student you are and why they should definitely take you when we looked at your results in case you didnt get in; Law teacher: I'm so glad that you're finally going to a top university doing something you really want to but it's so sad to see you leave (and she actually cried and made my mom cry too). Those words are still ringing in my ears. Their expressions. Their words, Everything. And then there are my friends, especially my clique in Malaysia. I didnt tell some of them because I was scared of how Results Day turn out but somehow they managed to find their way here (*wink wink* yup, Li Sien, if you're reading this hehehe 谢谢你 <3 真的.)

I always wonder if *cheesy* things were meant to be. Leaving Malaysia, coming to the UK (I still dont like it here), coming to this school (as much as I hate the kids there... I think... I wouldnt have "succeeded" if I didnt come here. I was such a bad student (haha still remember my D in Bio in Form 4) so I wouldnt even have thought to be able to study in one of the top universities in the UK and even meeting people from other countries!

I didnt (DIDNT) really see Warwick University as "a university I want to get into" because (putting the degree modules aside) it's a modern university, contrary to what I initially thought I want: traditional-looking uni in a pretty city. And nope, the city isn't pretty itself (personally). But somehow, somehow, it became my first choice and when I visited this for the Open Day, I have a weird feeling that this is somehow it. Sort of like.. I'm destined to be there. I actually had no choice but to go there anyways but I guess it's meant to be. Hahaha. There are a few factors I need to consider and Warwick seems to be it. So there you go. New chapter in my life has begun (or is beginning hehe). :D Can't wait!! I hope it's as good as I thought. I hope I wont hate people like I do right now. I hope I'll meet nice people whom I can communicate with (essential). I hope I'll love what I study and I hope everything goes well basically!Travelling would be an issue because I need to travel back and forth since I'm not staying on campus. I hope it wouldnt be too big an issue (it takes 1 1/2 hours T_T) but I'll let you know how it goes!

2) I LOST (not sure if I should publicise it because I'm gonna regret later but who cares) 0.5kg in a week!

Doesnt sound like a lot, eh? BUT IT'S ME. Hahaha. I have been 뚱뚱해 my whole life so losing weight is a great deal to me. Plus I'm having this medicine for my hyperthyroidism which has a side-effect of making people gain weight. So I'm crying right now, dont stop me. So eating less and exercising do help! I couldnt exercise rigorously like running (I pant after running for merely 10 seconds because of the stupid disease) so I do pilates! I dont really know if this is the cause because I only started last week (my previous post) but well I'll let you know if it actually is. I eat lesser too! Like, in the morning I just have 30g cereal (such a small bowl per the "recommended serving" -.-) + yogurt/fruit. Snacking on an egg/another fruit and green tea everyday. And have mom-cooked dinner as usual.

Actually... I'm wondering if my weighing scale is correct because I'm doubting it (it's this weird electronic one and my mom says she doesnt trust it) so if it's not I'm gonna cry. A different level of crying. I guess I'll know if it is correct or not when I go to visit the doctor again on 1st Oct. They have this chair that you sit on and it weighs you. Too cool. I dont care (I do, really) if I have lost any - I just dont wanna gain anymore. Life's hard, especially when you have one of the rarest disease in the world and you wonder WHY ME. I have this eye infection too and I couldnt find a solution to it and the eye drop is not working. IT'S SO ANNOYING CS I CANT WEAR CONTACT LENSES AND it keeps watering. It's been TWO friggin months.

3) I'm moving!
Not sure if this is a good news at the moment but at least my mom doesnt need to work in the kitchen anymore (it's really hard for her - her body is aching like literally everywhere) and I DONT HAVE TO BE IN THE SHOP. Let me explain this clearly: I am very willing to help but I've come to this state where I always have to think if my mom needs me when I go out and I feel bad when I do go out when she needs me so I end up not going. Or go but with guilt constantly washing over me EVERY MINUTE. Or when I'm halfway doing my homework or even typing this blog and the telephone RINGS AND RINGS AND RINGS and I have to immediately stop every single thing I am doing at the moment to run downstairs. Not that I am not willing to help, it's just that it's getting annoying and ... annoying. But I'm just hoping that everything will get BETTER when we move although I have a bad feeling for it. Fingers crossed!

4) HOW CAN I FORGET THIS. THE ULTIMATE NEWS: I'M GOING TO KOREA NEXT YEAR. YES. YES. YES.
There was some planning issues but everything 已成事实 so I CANT WAIT! I hope it wont clash with whatever events there are gonna be like Running Man coming to Malaysia during my time in Korea because I'm gonna cry so bad.
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Those are pretty much it. Heh!
Meant to be a short update but I realised that I should write down everything in my mind in case I forget about any of this in the future. Have you watched Inside Out? I suggest you do GO WATCH IT NOW. A film that cant be missed. I was expecting a comedy but wow this movie is so deep. One of the best ones from Disney I have ever watched. It is a light-hearted movie but... bring some tissue with you though.

Till then x

D-1

I cant stand this anymore T___T

Butterfly in stomach (in a bad way), rapid heartbeat, inability to concentrate. Because. It's D-DAY tomorrow. Results Day, in case you didnt catch that.

I've always said "Results Day need to be here already, cant handle all these emotions." But when it's FINALLY here, I'm... (pardon me) sh*tting myself.

I have never been that nervous in my life. Maybe I did but not recently. Maybe when it was PMR Results Day in Malaysia. And my AS-Level Results Day. I wasnt feeling this nervous last year and the year before. It's like 5 times the nervousness, maybe because this year matters. Our results seriously do matter this year because it's all-or-nothing. No more staying another year in high school to "pick another subject" or "retake" (for some people). Everything ends. It's either I get to a Uni I want to go to, or another choice. And for some reason, Warwick has become my very first since I've got no other choice except for this.

I need the two A's.

I have been frantically searching for the 2015 grade boundaries by my exam board. And calculate how many marks I need to get an A. Idk, I'm so scared. And I think being scared is an underestimation of what on earth I'm feeling right now. These two grades are gonna affect me, a lot. I honestly cant imagine going anywhere else other than Warwick. I seriously cant. I have been imagining myself being in that place. And I see happiness, albeit vaguely. At least I'm feeling something. I dont know what my life will be like if I cant go there. I dont know why I'm being like this. I did revise. But maybe I know that I didnt try hard enough. I did try though. I kept thinking about the stuff I wrote in the exams. I did answer everything. I felt confident, but when I overthink it, I'm scared that I read the question wrongly or wrote something that didnt deserve high marks.

I need a C in History to get and A overall. Looking at my progress, I think I can. But at the same time I'm not sure. This happened when I did my AS Film Studies exam. I thought I did well but I got a C in the exam, making it a B overall because of my coursework. But, you see, things could go wrong. And I dont want that Domino effect to occur.

I probably wont be able to sleep tonight. We can check our UCAS Track at 8am tomorrow. I'm thinking to wake up early via alarm so I can check it right away. But at the same time I wanna get sufficient sleep. But then again, I might not even be able to sleep. So idk. The nervousness will probably be 100x more than what I'm going through right now. It feels like my heart is falling out of my chest. I feel like crying. The stress is real.

The worst thing is, I actually am preparing for the worst. I have never ever been like this before! I'm looking at another Uni just in case, but I really wanna be confident and not go that far to choose another Uni.

I seriously cant think.

I cant watch my k-variety show, I cant.. think.

Less than 17 hours. Oh, at least I can still count. Ha-ha-ha.

Wish me luck you non-existent guys.

Thank you.

I hope I'll be writing some good news the next time I update this blog.

I started Pilates!

08/08/2015

I'll update later, just wanna note down the start date somewhere so I can look and see the outcome on 1/10/2015 when I have my health checkup :)