:(

I've finished watching the drama series. So sad! Does this mean i should start revising for my last exam? or should i enjoy this "last" day of holidays? cz im gonna have revision session tmr, friday, on sat im going to school just to revise, on sunday i think im gonna revise, and i have another rev class on monday then school starts on tuesday. Sigh. Im in dilemma on whether to watch some other episodes or to revise tonight. I feel so lazy to revise T___T

I swear i dont work as hard in Psychology compared to Law :( feel so guilty sigh. i hope i wont flop in this exam! *fingers crossed* but it doesnt matter (it does really) whether or not I revise today cz i will (hopefully) have the motivation to revise once i start revising at school tmr. It's gonna be intense in the coming rev sessions! as usual. haha.

I'VE BEEN EATING TOO MUCH JUNK FOOD SINCE THE HOLS BEGAN. Like seriously, till i have indigestion problem! I ate 4 packs of Walker's French Fries crisps today :( so guilty. and my stomach is not feeling very well. I seriously DO hate my stomach. oh and i think im gaining weight !"£$"%£$^$£*)^ must shed some fats after my last exam! I might go for the aerobic classes after school on Mondays.

Cant believe it's mid-week already. five days of hols- GONE. i've been doing nothing honestly. The best thing is that i've watched a drama series and bought a jumper, a dress, and a pair of shoes yesterday. Spent so much money ytd :( it's the largest amount of money i've spent in my life. HAHAHA. seriously. using my own money :)

I've been s spendthrift this month! I bought 2 dresses online too. Sigh. I should spending money. actually come to think of it, i didnt DIDINT didnt spend anything for myself before. So i dont feel really bad for buying those things for myself. But i think i'll feel bad if i CONTINUE buying things.

Dunno why i cant wait for prom :D my friends are all going yay! and it's my first prom :'D hope it'll be fun, cz i dont really like to be in the crowd.

Btw i've just decided to continue watching my drama series till about 10pm then i'll start revising for 1.5 hours. sounds cool. i hope my plan works. i'll probably just watch till the end of the day hahaha. But yeah. i'll try to recap the topics so that i'll know what's going on in the revision sessions tmr :B

gonna go. bye!

Im supposed to take a shower now but..

it's okay i'll take it later.

I just realised that my social circle is really small. Actually i realised it long time ago. But i just thought it's horribly small. It's like, other than school friends i have no one to socialise with. Look at me right now, it's school holidays and i havent got anyone to hang out with. I have such sad life. That's why i cant wait for my internship! cant wait to meet new people. i NEED to meet more people. I cant be so anti social. And be on my own, in my room, in my bed from morning till night. Im rotting here T__T i plan to start volunteering too. Wherever it is, i wanna volunteer for the weeks when i've finished/havent start internship.

I dont like rotting at home. LITERALLY rotting. I just feel so unproductive although it's good that i can relax myself. But the thing is, once i have time for myself, i'll start thinking nonsense and feel anxious. I need something to keep me occupied. That's why i plan to start revising tmr (I HAVE TO anyway since i still have my Psychology exam) and then on Tuesday i'll go shopping with my mom, Wednesday to school to revise (regardless whether or not my friend wants to join me in school), Thursday and Friday I have revision classes (YAY), I'll think about Saturday about whether or not i should go to school and on Sunday i'll see if i can go to my friend's house to revise (most probably not). There goes my one-week holiday. Honestly, i did hope for holidays before this but at the same time, now i feel that i'd rather go to school. :/ How irony.

i really do think that i need to expand my social circle.

I don't regret the things I've done, I regret the things I didn't do when I had the chance.

WHERE IS EVERYONE?

I AM SO BORED. LIKE REALLY BORED.

My mom asks me to wait for her to watch the drama series. So i'd had to wait till tonight after she's finished working.

My sister has gone to Thorpe Park. I should've gone as well. But only a few of my friends are going, and i didnt really like rides so i didnt wanna go at first. But then yesterday i thought that i might actually go and try some rides since I've never been ti Thorpe Park before, but it's too late to sign up for the trip :/ Sigh. I hate it when i change my mind at the last minute and it's too late. If not i could've been with my friends now. Oh well that's life.

Hmm. i still think about my exams occasionally. I told my mom how i flopped my History exam but she didnt respond. And then i think about my Law exam. One interesting thing is that as soon as the exam was finished, i didnt even get back to my Law textbook and markscheme to check whether i've done correctly. initially I thought i would get them and check, but i think.. what's the point? i didnt wanna care anymore. So tired of revising! So yeah, i just chilled after the exam. Sometimes, i think i just take the exams too seriously. But Ms F understood. I mean, all my law teachers understood but especially Ms F.

Hmm. Yesterday we did this filming thingy for the whole day. Once on my friend's law lesson and once in my own lesson. It was quite interesting. Cz i got into a group with my friends who actually dont mind getting involved in group work. It was pretty funny! Cz we impersonated our Law teachers ahahaha. And Ms F told us that she told Sir that we impersonated him, and he said "we are not allowed to come to school next year" AHAHAHA.

But overall, my mood went flat. Maybe because it's the last day of school and we've done too much over the weeks. I just wanna sit there in the class.. and sleep. Well well.

Oh yeah yesterday Marcia and I went to canteen for lunch. THE MEALS WERE SO DRY. the canteen only gave us one packet of ketchup T__T and we were like. How nice if Sir's here. HE COULD GET US SOME KETCHUP. AHAHA. and yay he was here and although it's a biiit awkward that he sat with us during lunch, at least he got us some ketchup. *so grateful* maybe i should start bringing my own ketchup to school like my friend. The school needs to start investing in some ketchup. The bottles ones. and im serious.

HAHA.

Today i wanted to go shopping on my own. I actually planned this yesterday. but my mom said it's not fun going alone. Plus the internet was back. So yeah i didnt go. Sigh. Should've gone actually. I hate rotting at home not having things to do. I planned to spend my weekend watching the drama series but sadly i havent got any -.- that's the saddest thing ever. EVER. i dont wanna start revising for Psychology T_T I'll start on Monday. And i've got revision classes anyway.

I dont know how im gonna spend my holidays. Sigh. I need to make it productive. MUSTN'T ROT DOING NOTHING. hmmm.

I cant wait to start internship! dunno why im feeling so excited. i hope my expectation isnt too high and i wont have any transport problem.

Btw im going to prom this year! i dont wanna miss any more chances :) we never know what will happen next year. Who knows next year I'll become anti social and not go to prom. Which means that i'll miss my high school proms @.@ no good no good. I dont plan to buy any prom dress. Maybe if i see one i'll buy. But i already have a little black dress sewn by my Auntie in Msia :D might just wear that. And i wont wanna clash outfits with any of them :P

Im so lifeless man :( I played with make up today. honestly, im no good in applying make up. i dont even know what i look like ahahaha. i hope i wont look horrible during prom -.-

IT'S OVER!

My law exam is finally over :)

Such a big big big relieve! I was really stressed out for the whole week especially yesterday.

It was a fair paper, and as expected Delegated Legislation and EU Law came up. I did EU Law, but the questions were pretty difficult. It's just that the third question hasnt come up in the past paper before, but i knew what to write.

I feel quite bad right after the exam actually. Cz i spent about 5 minutes looking at both questions and choosing it. The sources were so ugly! It's not that straightforward as the past papers. I think the person who makes the question was in a bad mood :P What i hoped didnt come up, but it was not worse than i thought. it's not better, but it's not too bad. I was pretty down at first, cz i didnt have time to finish my last point. i think i could have done a bit better, i think i did 88% today. But i think what's done is done, cant do anything else! And now, the real thing is in August. RESULTS DAY! SO SCARY!

It's a risk! We never know what will happen. I think if i dont start learning new subject and just chill like how i did today (we had a mini party after the exam and after lunch i just chilled in one of the classrooms, chatting with my teacher) this feeling would bug me till August. I cant wait to start A2 Law actually, but at the same time I'd like to chill during the lessons :B We're gonna start A2 lessons (new timetable :( ) on the first week of July. Sigh. So heavyhearted to end my first Alvls year. Gonna miss it so much. It was so so so much more fun than last year. I actually think that this is my best high school year!

The thing is, i dont wanna go back to Photography :( I dont mind the ppl but the atmosphere is so dull! I wanna stay in my friend's law lesson and have fun and do whatever it is there. Haha. I really enjoy learning law with them :) both my own law classmates and my friend's law class. I hope next year would be fun. It doesnt have to be more fun, just maintain like this would be enough. I dont want this feeling to fade away.

So. i've got Psychology exam left! It already feels like i've finished all my exams. haha. I feel less pressured in this exam i dont know why. Not a good thing, is it? But im still gonna revise hard :) cant afford to be lazy. Might go to school next week in the holidays to revise with my friend. I love going to school! it's like m second favourite place AHAHAHA. really. :B

IM GONNA CHILL ALL DAY TODAY, TMR, SAT, AND SUNDAY! just daydreaming, watching all the dramas i've missed, eat crisps, and most importantly, dont have to face my essays and textbook as soon as i get home! (law mainly :P) it feels good going home straight after school. Cz over the week i've been staying after school almost everyday and reaching home at 7-8pm. I dont mind staying in school actually. In fact, i kinda like it if i needed to revise. But it just feels good to just stay in your bed after a long long week! it's such a long week! and long school term! it's feel like it's been ages haha.

After exam today, everyone felt upset and down for a bit but after that they were back to their happy self, including me! :) a big relieve.

It's been a good Thursday!

I'm okay.

I was so stressed out about my exam yesterday and today.

I was actually so stressed out till the extent that even my law teacher noticed. Oh god :/

I screwed up my History exam :( I genuinely feel I did flop it, not confident at all to say that 'the exam's alright!' with a smiley face when everyone asked me how it went. The questions were exactly how i wanted it but its the sources and time management :( I won't say that I would be really upset about it when I get my results. Maybe just for a while cz I did try my best anyway, and it's my first History exam! :) *positive positive positive!*

Oh so after the exam, I went to the common room and my law teacher was there. I didn't realise how my expression was but she asked me, 'are you alright Ashleigh?' And as usual, I went 'YEAH!' (Not that loud but you know). And you know what she said? She said 'you don't look alright to me' awwwww. :'))) She asked me how my exam was and i said it was bad :( she said I shouldn't get so stressed out about the exam because its over now and I should focus on my coming exam which is LAW. I remember ytd we were having law lesson and she advised me that 'there's something called overworking yourself' :| (that's the reason why I'm updating this hahaha to have a break, have a kit kat (no kit kat tho -.-) ). Yeah. I'm so sick if studying already. Like proper tired.

And then after school today I was revising for law and my another law teacher came and said can he have a word with me and I went O___O scared. Haha. Basically he said the similar things as my another law teacher and yeah. Just helping me to stop stressing myself out. And he said whatever the outcome is, we can always sort out the problem in the summer!

You know, I think it's just the exams. AFTER 10AM TMR I'LL BE BACK TO MY NORMAL SELF. it's just the exams. Just the exams. I was like this last time when I had my exams as well. Haha.

Sigh idk why I just don't feel positive about tmr :/ I hope the questions are nice. And the examiners too.

I should probably go through my law revision again, bye!

i dont even know why im stressing myself out so much.

Surprise celebration.

Thanks guys! You guys are so sweet! Haha!

I told you that today we needed to go to school because we have Law revision class. I planned to go there earlier to revise but my plan failed because I had stomachache -.- so I reached school with Satinder at 11.02 (HAHA) and everyone was there already o.o how punctual! We were divided into different groups and started the lesson quite promptly.

So right before lunch, my friend Selina came in and tell my teacher that Sit wanted a word with her. And after that we continued our lesson. I was wondering why everyone was going out for lunch but we were still in lesson and I actually thought it was because my teacher just wanted to finish the topics.

Then when we finally got out, my friend Anisha came and dragged me back to the class because she needed help on finding her IPod. I was like, what iPod? Hah. I genuinely thought she lost it because she looked pretty stressed out. And she described her iPod so well, like it looked like the iPhone and she lost it during Law lesson (we had law lesson together). I was wondering cz I didn't remember seeing her with her iPod. And then halfway through she said 'wait it my mom' whilst she texted my friend. And then she went, it's okay I'll just ask Sir. And I was like, okay ._.

When we went into the large common room my friends started walking out from my teacher's office with a cake awww :') I didn't even realise that they were organising a surprise celebration for me :3 so touched. Haha. And they sang me birthday song and the cake was so nice! I was like, who baked it? AHAHAHA I genuinely felt loved and it's nice to know that someone actually cares about you! Despite the exam stress and revision thingy (bear in mind that it's Sunday) they still have the effort to organise me one surprise celebration.

Thanks so much guys! For making my birthday so memorable this year. It was definitely much better than last year and I'm so glad that I met you guys this year! Thanks to Law which brought us together :P i really really enjoyed my birthday! the messages in the cards are really heartwarming, and I'm glad that I've been such a good friend to you guys! :) it's nice to know what you are like in your friends' eyes! Thanks for the cards and presents. Really appreciated all that.

I actually thought the birthday song in the morning on 16th May was it. I was quite disappointed that time. Haha. I thought my birthday would just be over like that.

Oh and not to forget to thank Ms who kept me in the class when my friends were setting up the stuff and Sir who told us not to set fire to his office (AHAHA) because he let my friends light up the candles for the cake in his office.

THANKS SO MUCH! All these will be nailed in my heart! A day well spent with my law buddies and law! Despite having school on Sunday, it's one of the best days in my life!

Cheers to being 18!

Birthday wishes.

Cards and a present I've got from my friends :)

I do feel really proud. Haha.

Hey-ho!

I think im adopting a habit to blog at night. As in, NOT revise and blog instead. Cz i thought, (i know this is bad but) i've revised so much in school. I think I should have a break.

I feel so guilty tho! I only study during my free period when i feel like studying and if my friends are there. Cz they study. I cant be on my own. Whatever. IT'S GONNA BE OVER ON THURSDAY 10 AM! Cant wait.

I'm going to school tmr and on Sunday for revision. Tmr my own revision with my friends and Sunday with my teachers.

I taught my friends Law for almost the whole week this week. And you know when they actually understood something and learned something, I FEEL SO HAPPY! hahaha. And then today, my friends were like saying how much they understood it more. Aww i feel so touched :') i can imagine myself being a teacher and hearing my students say they appreciate me as a teacher ahahaha. but you know, AT LEAST THEY LEARNED SOMETHING! i've been saying this uncountable times but I REALLY HOPE THE SESSION HELPS. really. please tell me if it's not. i'll work it out with you guys. WE CAN GO THROUGH THIS TOGETHER. my friends are so cute aww. there's one friend who goes: "SeeKee are you staying?" and i replied yeah and she immediately said "I'm coming then!" awww :')

Maybe i really should really consider teaching. haha.

Oh yeah lunch was so freaky today. I sat down with my friend Marcia and then my Law teacher came and sat beside me omg. It was kinda awkward, cause me and Marcia didnt know what to talk ahahaha. But one thing is, he got us loads of ketchup (the canteen staff only give ONE packet of ketchup for EACH of us!) HAHA and he got Marcia some nuggets because she cant eat the spicy chicken she bought. Aww. There were a few minutes of awkward silence but oh well. and i actually asked him what if i flop my History exam. he went "so what? you've only got 2 months to learn it." He made it sounds like it's really okay to flop it ._. but i'll still try my best :) not as much as i am trying for Law tho :P Yeah. And one very funny part was, me and Marcia were SO FULL but we just kept eating cz we dont know why. hahahaha. one tensed lunch, that was! but it's alright.

So there goes the sec day of me being 18! i feel more mature and err mature. haha. i feel older actually.

Grateful.

I had an awesome birthday!

First of all, thanks so much guys, no matter you're the ones in Malaysia or the ones in the UK. Thanks for all the wishes and funny (sometimes) and touching messages and birthday songs early in the morning afternoon and evening.

So today, i woke up feeling so energised! I actually slept at 1.35am yesterday. Idk why i couldnt sleep. I think i was pretty nervous about being 18. haha. it feels alright actually. In fact, i feel more grown up. You know, I actually felt like not reluctant to catch the bus at 7pm when the sky is turning darker. I'll come back to that later.

I woke up this morning and saw the messages sent from all over the world (Malaysia, at least :P), and it was heartwarming! :') Some of my friends even wished me happy birthday before they get ready for school awwww. It's nice to know your importance in your friends' hearts hahaha.

I went to school, and it was pretty sunny! I was really happy. haha. And when I reached the Portakabin three of my friends (my law buddies!) stood in a straight line and sang me birthday song. And my psychology teacher was there hahaha so she joined in awww. Bless them.

I got a card from a friend i've just met this year, and aww the message is so sweet. i should show you the card actually but i didnt take a picture of it heehee. anyways. it's so nice that she remembered and knew it was my birthday! :)

So far I've got one present from my another Law buddy, thanks mate!

And then Idk how my teachers knew and wished me birthday :')

Not to mention the super long and touching messages from across the world. DEAR HUMANS IN MALAYSIA, THANKS PEOPLE! I'LL BE BACK SOON! WAIT FOR ME!

I actually studied Law from 9 till 7.30pm today. IT'S EXHAUSTING BUT GREAT! it's like the best present i had from the school. hahaha. at least i dont have exam on my birthday :P and yeah, morning Law additionality, break, Law lesson, afternoon lunch, independent study to revise Law with my friends cz I've finished Film Studies, then after school Law twilight. It was amazing(!) although i did went blurry at times after school. heehee. Oh yeah, my teacher told me she got my exam scripts back! and i looked at it. dunno why, but just felt that it felt nice that you see how your paper is marked. through machine. high-tec ahaha. that sense of achievement when you see so many ticks on your paper :')

Oh and during my independent study time i went to see my another Law teacher Ms F, and she goes i should be a law mentor and ask my Law teacher (who does all this working stuff) and pay me. ahhaha. as in, properly do some law classes with those who need help in Law at a fixed time. Aww, she's having so much faith in me! and she says no one will say no if i want to become a law mentor to help other students because she knows how well i know my work. I really do hope i'm really helping my friends tho. I wont wanna teach them if they dont understand a single thing i said :( i like teaching actually. I think it's probably because i like the things im teaching! actually i should consider teaching as a profession. ahahaha.

Oh yeah! I was so lucky today! Like really lucky! After twilight like about 7.30 i walked to the bus stop with my friend and she walked home. I was thinking to call the taxi, but it's quite expensive and i was holding a folder which i've forgotten to put in my locker -.- so i walked back to school and saw my friends! Oh and i saw my psychology teacher again with my law teacher. she went "enjoy the rest of your bday!" and said my law teacher should order a cake for me hahaha. okay so one of my friends were meant to be picked up by her parents but she said she had to bus it home, and they followed me to put my things back into the locker. when we came out, the bus was right there! usually we had to wait for about 15-20 mins cz it's after 7pm. And then when we get off at the main station, MY BUS WAS RIGHT THERE AGAIN! how lucky me. I actually had to wait 30mins if i missed that bus. and i considered taking the taxi home if i miss it. HOW LUCKY. the bus door was nearly closed and the driver opened it for me! and then when i reached the bus stop near my house, it was gonna rain but it didnt. When i reached home, it started to drizzle! i was SO HAPPY. and glad.

And at home, my mom cooked my fav soup! yum yum!

All in all, it was a really good day.

THANKS AGAIN PEOPLE! really appreciate it :)

The last day of being 17.

I didnt plan to write this. But it just comes to me.

So. Many things have happened over this whole year, since the 16th May of 2012 till 15th May 2013. I shall make this year memorable. I mean, actually I cant make it memorable, cz it's the way it is. It's the last day of me being seventeen! Im gonna turn 18 next year, it's such a big number.

There are things/events that have made me happy, feel very appreciated, feel useful, and also things that made me sad, disappointed and feel extremely lost. I dont think I can remember all of the events, but certainly, there are a few which are nailed in my brain and i think they will stay there for the rest of my life. Haha not really, but at least for the rest of my high school (part 2) year.

I actually am a different person now compared to who i was on the 16th May 2012. Back then, I have no worries, no responsibility, no burden, and no whateveryoucanpossiblythinkof. But now - WHEN IM GONNA HAVE MY LAW AND HISTORY EXAM NEXT WEEK- I'm a much more mature person. Mature as in, mature. Hahaha. not old. I still look as young as ever okay. :B but seriously. I dont fool around anymore, i dont leave my exam as it is (as in, not bothering to revise), i dont let my mom do all the house chores/shop work all by herself, i dont hope to aim for low grades in exam. (can you see how everything links to exam? sorry, but exams' next week and im here typing my last-day-of-being-17 post). I start to think about the future, which university im going to further my studies, where i see myself in the next 10 years.

This is gonna be a really long post, but whatever.

I had a talk with another Law teacher (i swear i have too many Law teachers. ahaha). So she told me her experiences. It was a reassuring talk. Because she's gone through quite a similar situation as me. I used to think that she hates me (HAHA) but not anymore. I'm still laughing. haha. It started off with her asking me whether is it because of my age that I work really hard for whatever i need to achieve? I didnt realise actually. Is it because of my age? Im actually 1 or 2 years older than my friends/classmates. Maybe, maybe that's the reason that i work really hard. Because I dont have anymore time to waste. I dont have another year to waste. People need to realise that the real world is cruel, and be realistic. You cant just flop all your A Levels exam and expect to get a good job out there. I cant afford that. I dont know why i'm going on about, but my point is, i have no more time to waste. Look, i need to stay another year in this school (not that i hate it) and imagine me *touch wood* having to retake the exams, increasing the burden i've already got on my shoulder. Cant even imagine that.

Like i said in the few of my previous posts, I really did enjoy this year more than last year. I have more friends, and i like how we are getting closer. I CAN SEE US BEING GOOD FRIENDS IN THE COMING YEAR(S)! :D At least *aherm* we dont have the generation gap. HAHA. really. I used to think that i wont fit in in this school, or rather, this country. But im starting to like this school :) we have nice teachers and funny friends. I really enjoy going to school. Last year, to be honest, i dreaded going to school. This year, i love to stay in school because, school is always a better environment to study (look at what im doing now, what a strong evidence). And maybe i have more confidence in school. This year, i feel more appreciated. Like, i actually exist. You wont know this feeling if you've never go to another side of the world before. I miss my family, my friends in Malaysia.

Also, MY ENGLISH HAS IMPROVED :DDDD i really want to thank my teachers and friends for this. I'm really thankful that they're willing to correct me when Im wrong. honestly, i'd be very glad that you tell me what's wrong than let me carry on with that error. For example, my Film Studies teacher (one of the teachers who I'll definitely miss) who would yell "ASHLEIGH. YOU "TAKE" IT HOME, NOT BRING," when i said "Ms, can I bring this home please?" :B it was one funny moment. And my friend who will laugh my English off when i pronounce something wrongly. I enjoyed the teaching and learning process :)

And i got to study something i love! Like Law and Psychology! I did enjoy Photography and Film Studies sometimes, but i feel that those are the subjects to be 'enjoyed' (literally). Not to mention History first because I still dont really know where I'm at at the moment. But this year has been fairly good! Better than last year! When you like a subject, you'll eventually learn better! totally agree! :) im so glad that I did Law and Psychology. My favourite subjects :) i did enjoy the other two. but i feel that it's time to let go. I'll miss the lessons tho! Producing B&W photographs in the darkroom and watching horror films and King Kong together with the teachers :) It was a nice experience really. I mean, if you let me choose again (as in, i still dont know what going on on the first day of school), i'd still pick these two subjects. at least the teachers are lovely! :) But on one side, i'm very grateful that my law teacher (again haha) told me what's wrong with my subjects, what i should do to avoid me being in a disadvantaged position, and reassuring that i can do better in my studies :) Sigh, compared to last year, studying something i have little interest in made me feel so sick of school. I'd skip school whenever i could :P but now, i feel silly really. cz i wont skip school unless i really cant go to school. I broke my record. I've never ever missed any Law or Psychology lesson before :D I missed and am going to miss Law electives tho :( Because of the exams.

Let me see what i found out about myself. So. I found my passion (Law! :B), I actually like teaching (kind of, like those friends discussion), I think I have a slightly over-dominant superego (some psychology stuff heehee), I'm too nice sometimes, I have quite a good memory, I'm actually more worthful (does this word even exist? -.-) than i thought i am, I'm more mature, I see things differently and most of all, i'm a different person!

There are so many things I still wanna type out in here. But im lost at the moment. Im still so worried about my exams ugh but im still here typing this -___-

Sometimes, I'm really grateful that I have the opportunity to be in this country. I have the best education i can possibly have, with the teachers being really helpful and supportive! Im really grateful.

However coming here has made me lose too many things. I lost my Aunt, she could've waited for us to go back before leaving this world. She could've waited for us. I still cant accept the fact that she's gone forever. She left this world exactly three weeks before my Psychology exam in January. Dont worry Auntie, I'll make you proud. I promise I will.

It's such good self-reflection moment. I shall do this every year. and please make sure that i dont delete this blog in the near future. I cant believe im turning 18 in less than one and a half hour. this is such a big number. 18. 18. 18. I wonder how it feels like tmr. I hope it's gonna be a good day. Somehow, i feel that it's gonna be different compared to last year. At least, I feel less lonely! And you how that feeling when your newly-met friends remember your birthday. ngawwww. thanks guys. for keep reminding me that it's my birthday tomorrow. Haha. they even started to remind "it's your birthday next week!" when i didnt even realise it, thanks to my exams. All of a sudden, im hungry. HAHA. im hungry, man. but anyways, thanks guys for remembering :) it's really heartwarming. :3

Not to forget to mention my dearest Li Sien and Michelle who wished me happy birthday when it strikes 12 in Malaysia. Love you guys!

TOMORROW IS GONNA BE SUCH A GREAAAT DAY MAN! I HOPE IT DOES TURN OUT GREAT! CZ, NOT TO MENTION MY BIRTHDAY, I HAVE LAW FROM 9 TILL 7.30- WHOLE DAY! LIKE, LITERALLY WHOLE DAY! (excluding break and lunch) FUH, INTENSE REVISION GOING ON! probably the best gift i'll have for tomorrow. haha. thanks school.

Okay then I shall revise for the mock tomorrow! Oh and i forgot to mention that i had my first exam, Film Studies exam today! 1.30 till 4pm. SO TIRED. wrote uncountable words for 2 and a half hours. and i hurt my hand. serious. you should try writing 9 pages of essays in 2.5 hours. such great sense of achievement! :B it's slightly better than i thought, but i hope i can get a good grade in this although im dropping it.

oh anyways i really need to go and get some food ahahahaha tata! 1 hour and 15 minutes left! Happy birthday to me! <3

ps. overwhelming sense of guiltiness. i didnt revise outside of lesson time today! *cries*

I don't mean to complain, but I'm afraid, I'm scared. –Piglet

I've finally realised how a person can totally forget his/her own bday. Like those in dramas, where they have too much work that they didnt even thought of it.

That kinda happened to me. THANKS TO A-LVLS. i said kinda, cz well. i did realise it. haha. but last few days or last month, i didnt even have time to think about other things such as my bday. I was so bus learning and studying and revising for my exam that i didnt even realise that my bday is so near! last year or back then in msia i wasnt like this. Cz it's just mainly mid-year exams and they're not that important. Unlike this year, people inc me were so so busy studying that we forgot what's happening outside.

I actually hope that exam should end quickly but at the same time i dread it. I want more time to revise! I am completely clueless on History, which Im so scared of because i need to do well in the exam or else i'd have to resit it next year. And Law. omg law, i need an A. to get a proper A overall. Cant afford to lose that. Psychology is alright, because after my Law exam i'd still have more than one week to revise for it. i hope everything will be alright.

And you know, my exams made me cant go to law revision T___T on both Wednesday afternoon. Cz on next wed, i have FS exam and the next History exam. What is this man. Cz they be on another days? grr. I feel so annoyed when i miss something important.

So today i went to school for some Law revision. It was alright, we went through some topics. I think i understand some of it more than i did. Sigh. We only have less than 2 weeks left. One week and 4 days. TIME IS TICKING. im so so worried. oh anyway i hope i helped my friends tho.

Im so tired. like really tired. and lost.

Gamble.

I was actually planning to do my work, but then again, i worked too hard.

I didnt want to think it this way, but i just thought that i worked way too hard. Like, im not supposed to be like this actually. sigh but you know, sometimes i DO think i need to work this hard. i dont even know what im saying really. HAHAHA

what i meant is, i've studied Law from 9am till 6.15pm today. REAL INTENSE HARDCORE LESSON+REVISION. cz in the morning, I went to another group's Law lesson. oh i didnt tell you this! rmb i told u that i wanna go to my friend's law lesson after i've finished photography? i told Mrs C cz i think my Law teacher has probably forgotten about this (which he obviously did, but u know he has too many things to rmb) and TADA! i went there since yesterday! (i actually thought it was Wednesday but it was ytd o.o it's been a long week) Mrs C sent my Photog teacher an email and i went to see my teacher as well to talk about it and Mrs C said that she sent the email just for me, because im an exemplary student awwwwww. :B haha. Oh yeah. Back to topic. So i had Law lesson, break, then independent study time which I finished my Law work and helped my friend with EU Law. i was excited actually! haha. and i kinda made her like Law cz se told me she finally understood it :'))) a great sense of achievement really. Oh yeah so after that i have Law, my original law class, and then after school i actually planned to go home but my friends said they'd like to stay to do Law SO YAYYY. idk why really. Just feel really excited. and happy that they'd like to stay and revise :') ahaha. im really getting crazy.

We did some parts of the 2 topics and fuhh. it was pretty tiring. Haha. by 6.15pm my friends were already tired so we stopped and did some drawing. I mean, THEY did some drawing. hahaha. they were funny. like, proper funny. ahaha. I like how we had fun but still learned something :)

So tmr, Im gonna go to school. my friends are going too :D those who stayed today,the one who was with me during my independent study and another friend. WE'RE GONNA REVISE FOR LAW AGAIN HOHO. i might write some model answers before my friends reach school probably. idk what im doing really. haha. but im sure i'll have something to do. IT'S GONNA BE INTENSE TMR TOO. i hope we will learn and understand more than we previously did before leaving the school. Like really. i hope it's gonna be really good. so that it's worthwhile staying in school. i like staying in school actually. a proper environment to study :) AND WE HAVE THE WHITEBOARD MARKER HEEHEEHEE. i love writing on the whiteboard :') no really. i hope it's gonna be good, cz i'd hate to have high expectations on something that was meant to be fun.

anyways, im off. bye!

oh one more thing. you know ytd, my friend told me that my Psychology teacher told her that (confusing, i know) im a very good student who always pushes myself to get the maximum potential i could possibly achieve. THAT IS SO ENCOURAGING AND MOTIVATING. she said i always work hard to get what i really want. i didnt really realise this, you know. :') it's very moving to have those self-reflection time, knowing that a teacher actually pays attention to what you do.

okay i really should go (not really), bye!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT.

I'VE FINALLY FINISHED MY MINDMAPS :'DDDDD For history! It took me 5 weeks man. I was kinda sick of it already haha but it's alright now! It's the mock and real exam I have to deal with. I'm a tiny bit relieved :') it's like I've hold on for so long (these five weeks were really draggy) and its finally done!

I'm in my bed now. So sleepy and yet I'm typing my blog ugh. It was so warm today! 21 degree Celsius. Boiling. I wonder how I'll survive when I go back to msia. Bit it's gonna get colder tmr -.- so what's the point. Oh well doesn't matter.

Btw today. We took the bus to school and and we actually went to the wrong stop. Like whatthehell. Then we had to take the taxi to school and we were late. What a disastrous morning.

Everything is ending already. All the lessons, I mean. It's like. Next term everyone won't be in the same class anymore. I wonder if I'll return back to my old self when I first came here. I don't mind actually. Just don't put me into those people who don't wanna study, and worst still, make me do a group work with them. I like how it is right now. I have a friend in Psychology class, and we always hang out during our independent study time (doing our own work haha but still) and I love how my free time is right before lunch. Because I can prepare for the next lesson and finish some work. Sigh. And I'm gonna have 2 AS and 2 A2 subjects. I really hope I can cope. I CAN DO IT!

It's sad how everything is ending. I don't like this feeling. But on the positive side, the end is always the beginning of sth new, isn't it? Oh look how optimistic I am. Haha.

The amount of hardwork I put into my studies.. even I can't believe myself sometimes.

THIS IS TOO MUCH.

I keep procrastinating today :( I need to finish my History notes by tomorrow night! Cz I have a mock on Wednesday. And that would be my last History lesson. Cz i have FS exam on the next Weds. Sigh. Come to think of it, this means that I only have 5 lessons of History(including next weds), and I have to be ready for exam. Oh god. Why on earth am I doing this. Sometimes I feel like a superMAN (even superwoman can't describe this). Doing the impossible. Tell me I'm superior. Or else I cant go through this anymore. I don't even know what I'm on about. Pfft.

I feel so demotivated today. So sleepy. And tired. Can't wait for everything to be over, but at the same time hoping the time would stand still. How ironic.

It seems like my work can't be finished. They're never-ending.

I want a day, that's free from homework, exam-related stress, stomachache, revision, and my brother's screams. I want a day where i can just lie in bed, or go to the beach, all by myself. And I could just chill without any worries nor responsibility. When will that day arrive?

And we might have a Law mock on Tuesday. We never know. So tell me. To revise for Law or History. Please just kill me.

Maybe I should stop thinking about this and instead think about that.

i suddenly feel so grown up.

'The only person standing in your way is you.' - Thomas Leroy

SOOOOO. it was a good good day! :D

better than Monday. ugh. Hahaha. You know what happened, I stayed back after school on Monday, and then my teacher didnt tell my friend and i that the front gate was gonna be locked, so at the end we had to walk allll the way back to the back gate to catch the bus -.-

When we walked to the bus stop, TWO buses passed by us. And when we reached the bus stop, WE HAD TO WAIT about 20 MINUTES. stupid bus. And in the bus station, the screen that tells you when the bus will arrive was not working. So when i saw the paper timetable, i thought i had to wait for another 20 mins for the bus to reach because i looked at the Friday one. so i took the taxi home which cost me £7. damn. and when i was home, the stupid internet wasnt working. ugh. what a bad day, i know. AND IT WAS A MONDAY.

Oh btw, i went to check today. i just realised i didnt see wrongly. it was "MONDAY TO FRIDAY" -.- so no difference.

So today was a good good day, i've said :) It was actually good. HAHAHA. the weather was so awesome, with the sun shining bright and warm (not really. it was pretty cold at times). And it just got dark at NINE PM! how awesome, i know. i hope we have sunshine all day long. I feel more motivated :D I had additionality this morning (where we were divided to the subjects we're doing and sit there and get some work done. it's basically independent study actually, except that there's a teacher who teaches that particular subject, and i have my another Law teacher :DDD she wasnt here today btw) so i managed to finish 2 out of 5 essays :D although the boys in my group were pretty noisy, but oh well. And then during photography, i nearly got my work done :) just left some gluing to do and the final evaluation. I wonder if I could go to another Law lesson instead of it after i've finished everything (i've talked about it before) :/ cz i desperately need to get my grades in Law. Come to think of it, if i go to Law lesson instead of Photography, then i'll have law additionality in the morning, break, law lesson with another group, lunch, film studies, then law rev session after school. I'D LOVE THURSDAYS THEN :P intense law revision day. hahahaha. it's gonna be awesome. but i doubt that's gonna happen :/ Oh well.

in film studies today, we watched Dog Soldiers and did some work. when i handed in my corrections, one of my classmate said im too free to do all these things when Ms goes "this is the type of student blablabla". I mean, YOU WONT KNOW HOW BUSY I AM. EVERYONE IS BUSY. ugh, i actually get offended very easily. when it comes to talking about my work.

Oh yeah today we had law revision. it was pretty good :) i think it did help me a lil'. by going through the exam papers. from 4.30 till 7pm. i actually enjoyed it, although i was pretty tired and didnt talk much during the first half of the session. I didnt realise that i didnt talk until my friend asked me why was i so quiet that time. i think it's pms. HAHAHA. really. okay so after that we got our end-of-unit mock exam. I got an A for the previous one and B (ONE MORE MARK TO AN A) for the latest one. I was kind of disappointed at first, but i thought, this is my first try, and the questions were omg- SO DIFFICULT. i swear i wont answer those questions if i get to choose. But after i rethink, im actually quite pleased with my results :) what more can i ask for? i think im taking mock exams too seriously. sigh. but that's me. I mean, idk. it's like, im gonna stay another year, i dont wanna risk anything anymore. that doesnt really make sense. i think im going crazy really soon. hahaha. oh so after that we had a small chat on the way to the bus stop. and i helped my friends on bits and bobs they dont understand, and then one of my friends said i should start my own teaching class. aww, bless :') i feel really happy whenever i can manage to help my friends to understand something. idk why i just have this feeling. and i actually like teaching :) well, i might consider it as one of my career options in the future HAHAHA. im serious. *stern face*

I keep forgetting tomorrow's Friday. i keep calling tmr "this Friday", like it's still gonna be long. Hmm. and im really happy to know that MONDAY'S HOLIDAY! no film studies :B but i need to get my arse at my study table. really need to get my History work done. I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED LEARNING THE WHOLE BOOK YET. im currently at the beginning of chapter 7. and my teacher was like, do you think you can finish making notes of chapter 7,8,9 by Wednesday? i was like, err, 7&8, yeah. but.. -__- so he said MINIMUM chapter 8. hahaha i think it's because i didnt do any work since last wednesday :B IM TO BUSY MAN. seriously. sometimes, i think. PLEASE BE WORTHWHILE. or else i'll kill myself. haha. oh and i think he asked me to finish all (7,8,9) the topics is because Monday is a holiday, which i didnt realise that time heeheeheeeee. So yeah. AND WE'LL HAVE A MOCK EXAM FOR REAL. like a proper mock. remember i had a mock last month? i got a B+ :D but it's just a 40 mark questions. now we'll have to do a 20+40 marks. let's see how im progressing :) i think i got a B last time is because i've only done 3 chapters of revision, which means the area is less wide (if you get what i mean). I'LL SEE.

i needa go now, before i start writing a 10-paged essay (which i probably already did). BYE!

i have 5 essays (a few are plans) to do and im sitting here typing my blog, gonna log off and WATCH A 20-MIN DRAMA. LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME. once i've started using the computer, i cant stop. like, really. BYEE!