A day off!

We had a day off school today.

How lucky! hahah. I've been moaning about wanting a break yesterday and now I had one. I really do feel that God actually listens to me. Really grateful for that.

It was because of a major burst pipe that made us receive a message this morning. I still rmb how my mom burst into my room. I was like wth is going on hhahaa. But she showed me the message and i saw my friends were talking about it in Whatsapp too. I was replying them and everything i said didnt make sense hahaha. So funny.

But we've got school tmr, and I have a mock sigh. I planned to do my work during my free time in school today but we didnt have to go. I was pretty worried that I wont get my work done. But now thankfully I did do most of it. Left an essay to do. Oh actually, I still have some application thingy to do. Sigh too much work too little time. I cant even.. ugh.

It felt like a Saturday. I went to the cash and carry with my mom, and went to Asda. That Indian cashier was like, Oh you've got henna on your hand! I was like yeah i did it for the breast cancer charity :) Felt so multicultural although the Indian lady was quite stern based on the look she's given me.

I'm going to Warwick this Saturday! I'm really excited and yet nervous. I wonder how it will be like being on your own. Maybe it's gonna be like how I first started A level in school last year. Cant wait to meet (hopefully nice) new people. I asked my teacher about my transport and he said I can bring someone with me! Probably for health and safety reason but that's very nice of him! So I dont have to go alone hehehe. AND he's paying for our tickets! But the thing is, until now I still havent got the ticket, the office lady is supposed to sort it out for me. And he's going for a business trip with his A level business class tmr. So i think i'll just pay for myself and my friend. It's just £5 anyway. haha.

So yeah. We still have to go to school tmr. I hope it wont turn out as depressing as I thought.

I dont know why... but the more opportunities I get outside of school, the more I feel like I want to make this dream happen.

I want to achieve this- not only treating this as a dream, but make it a reality.

Three marks again!

Loool :'D

Seriously. It's always that three marks! I'm saying the assessment I've just got back today <3 I got 42/50! It's an A! I was three marks off A* man! But I'm still happy :) Ms was giving us this lecture before she handed those papers out and I was like.. sugar, did we do that bad? Luckily I got the grade I wanted :)

I think my life is getting more 'normal'. I'm quite used to the hectic life now. We've got no choice, you see. As the saying goes, 压力是自己给自己的。So, learn to endure, and that's it! Sounds easy, doesnt it.

Oh today, I asked my teacher about my target grade for Geography, and he goes "A. because you cant get A* in AS". I was like, okay. Then I went to my Geography teacher and told him, "Sir, apparently my target grade is A. I dont think I can achieve it." I was pretty brave that time lol. But then he told me that he thinks I can achieve it, or maybe see it as a challenge and motivation. Even if I get a B, it's still a great achievement since I'm learning it from scratch. Quite true, actually. I think I'm having unrealistic/risky target grades but I should just ignore them, 'cause.. you know, there's nothing else I can do about it other than working my "socks" off. hahaha. I realise that it's actually worth speaking to the teachers about any concerns about studies. Cz i suppose they know our progress in school best and tell us if there's anything wrong (if they do care about us). Well, I'm glad that most of my teachers do care about us.

I really hope I do get what I deserve.

Gloomy.

Suddenly feel quite sentimental.

I suddenly thought of everyone in Malaysia. How are you guys doing? I hope you are all well and happy.
It's pretty unbelievable how we are at different sides of the world.

I miss my school. My teachers, my friends, my seniors, and even some of my juniors. The clubs and societies, where I never regret staying after school just to have fun with my friends. Life has been so different.

I miss my family.

我真的，真的，好想念你们。
你们最近好吗？

I just realised!

Last year, for the first assessment in Law, I was 3 marks off a B and this year, I got 3 marks off an A! How coincidence!

Oh btw, I've got into the Pathways to Law programme! I got the email this morning. It said I should be proud for being a strong candidate cz there were limited places. But then I was wondering is it because no one applies for it. haha. But anyways. I actually cant wait for it and am quite excited! I get to go into Warwick University, which I might apply to next year, and it's actually one of the leading universities in the UK.

And tbh, Im really, really lucky! Apparently I'm one of the 400 students who got chosen across the country. Yes, across the country. How awesome if that!

But then on the other hand Im scared of meeting new people and all the hard work. It's gonna increase my work definitely. But I hope I can go through it! I guess it's time to be independent. Cz my mom is not going there with me nor bringing me there. Means I have to either catch the train myself, or ask my teachers for transport but it will be pretty awkward. I'll talk to my teacher about it on Thursday :) It's good good! Maybe I can learn how to be independent. It will definitely be daunting at first. But I can do it!

I hope that it wont be too much for me. I need to concentrate on other things as well, so yeah.

Oh hello there!

:)

I always love Tuesday. Because usually I wont do any work and I always make sure I've done all those work which are due on Wednesdays.

Geography was really good today! Haha. Cz i got 11/12 for my mock :') and I'm one of the highest in lesson! Then Sir went to tell the one next to me that he "should be able to do the questions since he was paired up with a genius". We had seating plan today. haha. That was really nice of him! and then after lesson he told me that he cant believe that I havent done Geography before.

That really made my day!

And I got my Assessment back for law. it was out of 50 and I've got 35 or something I think. I got a B anyway :) That was alright for the first attempt tho! That's how I feel. Am really grateful already although an A will be great. They're resitting the assessment and im thinking whether i should do it again.. okay maybe not. I will retake those where I get C grades. Yup! Oh, and Mrs W told me my target grade. It's an A*! Mixed feelings really. Firstly, I'm happy that my teachers have so much faith in me and think that I am capable of that! :') However secondly, I'm afraid I'll let my teachers down. But anyways I'll work hard towards that goal! :D

Oh btw I had this homework back for Psychology, I got 5/8 LOLLL. I'm definitely redoing that essay man. Haha. So embarrassing.

Okay so that's basically it! Just feel like telling you my progress in school :) Oh we had progress phase one. We only got numbers. Last year we got comments. I got 5 (excellent) in all subjects except for one 4 (good) for attitude in learning in Geography. Ms said I should voice out more in lessons, which i definitely agree! :) I thought Im gonna get lower scores for Geo you know :'D

A good start isnt it!

Sometimes when I feel extremely worthless, they never fail to remind me that I am actually someone special.

Well,

i'm supposed to start writing my personal statement xD

but you know, when it's 'supposed to', it never happens. I'm gonna do it today. Definitely. Maybe not finish, but start.

Oh, I'm writing my personal statement when I'm not even applying to Unis because my law teacher has kindly shown me a law programme run by the Sutton Trust which will take place in Warwick University. She told me that I should apply for it. It's some programme designed for students from a less-privileged area (although idk how it applies to me). The deadline is on Monday o__o and i've got to complete the application form by that time. But then I've got so much things to do. That's why I've got to finish it by today (hopefully but dont think it will happen) or tomorrow, send it to my law teachers to proofread and wait for their reply and send it off latest on Sunday night. I need 1500 words for that :( Idek how to start -__-

Good thing is, I can edit this and use it again when I apply to universities next year. I hope I'm admitted to the programme :( Firstly, it will give me so much experience and 'opens' my eyes into universities life. We get to go to this residential workshops in Warwick.

I'm really grateful to have such teachers :') it's like, they dont even have to do all these. Maybe it's good for the school, but she helps me to email this and that.. idk. Just grateful. I actually still remember the first day I met her :'D i was doing the stupid mock exams which were not even marked. And she came into the class and used the computer haha.

Oh and today my Geography teachers showed us our progress phase. It's the assessment of our learning in lessons and independent learning. I was expecting pretty low grading but it was actually good :') And my work got read out by my teacher. although it's really embarrassing, it actually showed that my hardwork is noticed. I feel really intimidated in the class. Cz it's like everyone knows their stuff from GCSE Geography and then there's me wondering what on earth they are talking about. But then now I think I'm learning in the classes so I feel a tiny bit more confident. Well, maybe Geography isn't that bad at all :) ... although I'm still getting used to the way they teach. But let's focus on the positive side! wait no. it sudden strikes me that we actually have a mock next week. pfft.

And History was pretty good. There's just me in the class. So I can ask whatever I want there. I feel like chatting with my teacher sometimes but it feels weird cz im studying on my own and imagine that I suddenly ask her a random question. Haha. Well I did ask her once. I asked her if she had free time when I wasnt meant to be in her class and she said yeah, but doesnt mind that cz I'm not too much hardwork. awww. she's so sweet. She marked my first essay and I've got 27/30 :DDDD Since it's homework and I was allowed to use my notes, I should actually get full marks but ... it's still good! :D I really hope need to make sure that I get high marks in this unit because I've only got 86- borderline A- last unit so I need high marks to secure my A overall. And A in A2 History to get A overall in A levels. Hardwork man, hardwork. But that's life, isnt it?

I wanted to talk about my Law class but I wanna do that last. Heh.

My Psychology class is alright now :) I think it's just the need of some time to get used to the new class and time (it's in the afternoon now :( ). I have a few funny people in the class, although they do get a bit too much sometimes. Tbh it hasnt changed much. I mean, in terms of.. I dont always talk to other people in my original psychology lessons anyway. So that makes no difference practically. I used to think that one of my psychology teachers is quite cool. As in, pretty strict. But she's not actually. I chatted for a while with her yesterday, and she smiles a lot. Idk how to explain that but maybe it's the 'in and out of lesson' thing.

Here it is. I really love my Law class :'))))))) I cant repeat this enough. Haha. My closest friend in school was there with me. There were some changes to the people in my class. I used to not like it but I find it okay now. I like how my law teacher makes fun of his cousin (the funniest guy in class), the two guys from another school who used to be so 'into their own world' become more friendly and actually talk to us, the new guy who always start a debate with my friend, one of our friends from another group joined us, my law teachers' sarcasm (although sometimes it doesnt sound sarcastic [that's the funny part] ), i get along with the people there, my law teachers are always concerned about my studies, the way my law teacher looked when my close friend and I hugged each other for not seeing each other for the whole day (IT'S REALLY FUNNY), and lots more (actually I cant think of anymore but trust me, THERE IS MORE.) !

I think my passion for school has come back.

I really wanna take a minute to thank God for everything I have.

Pathetic.

Dont feel like sleeping early recently.

I just realised that I've got no life other than school. Tbh, I dont even know what I'm supposed to do with my life sometimes.  It's like, the only thing I can focus on is my studies.

I think I HAVE to focus on my studies. I've got no time to waste. Im turning 19 next year already.

I cant wait to leave school. I know I've been saying that I love school very much. It is still true. I still do love it. But it's just that, sometimes, you know that you've got to leave for good. I'm kind of tired of having so much to care about.

I think I'll enjoy next year more. I know I keep saying this but hopefully it's gonna be better. Firstly, I might only have to do 2 A2's next year. I think they're trying to make me pick up one more subject but that's a no from me. Im pretty determined. I dont want more burdens in me.

Too bad my friends, well most of them, are leaving this year. Not that im really really close with them, but they're the ones I hang out with most of the time.

Idk, I just wanna go to university now. I think im sick of what im doing now. My life is just about studies. Pathetic, isnt it? Ive always been thinking that am I doing this wrong? Maybe I should enjoy life a little more. But when I enjoy life, I'll flop in my exams. So I dont wanna risk that.

At the moment, , no matter how pathetic or boring it sounds, im gonna study my arse odmff and focus on my goal: get into a good university with good grades. Then only, I believe, I can truly enjoy myself. I wanna make sure that I am treasuring those moments where I can still make a change.

Dream.

I'm still waiting for the day when people approach me not to ask for my homework.