D-1

I cant stand this anymore T___T

Butterfly in stomach (in a bad way), rapid heartbeat, inability to concentrate. Because. It's D-DAY tomorrow. Results Day, in case you didnt catch that.

I've always said "Results Day need to be here already, cant handle all these emotions." But when it's FINALLY here, I'm... (pardon me) sh*tting myself.

I have never been that nervous in my life. Maybe I did but not recently. Maybe when it was PMR Results Day in Malaysia. And my AS-Level Results Day. I wasnt feeling this nervous last year and the year before. It's like 5 times the nervousness, maybe because this year matters. Our results seriously do matter this year because it's all-or-nothing. No more staying another year in high school to "pick another subject" or "retake" (for some people). Everything ends. It's either I get to a Uni I want to go to, or another choice. And for some reason, Warwick has become my very first since I've got no other choice except for this.

I need the two A's.

I have been frantically searching for the 2015 grade boundaries by my exam board. And calculate how many marks I need to get an A. Idk, I'm so scared. And I think being scared is an underestimation of what on earth I'm feeling right now. These two grades are gonna affect me, a lot. I honestly cant imagine going anywhere else other than Warwick. I seriously cant. I have been imagining myself being in that place. And I see happiness, albeit vaguely. At least I'm feeling something. I dont know what my life will be like if I cant go there. I dont know why I'm being like this. I did revise. But maybe I know that I didnt try hard enough. I did try though. I kept thinking about the stuff I wrote in the exams. I did answer everything. I felt confident, but when I overthink it, I'm scared that I read the question wrongly or wrote something that didnt deserve high marks.

I need a C in History to get and A overall. Looking at my progress, I think I can. But at the same time I'm not sure. This happened when I did my AS Film Studies exam. I thought I did well but I got a C in the exam, making it a B overall because of my coursework. But, you see, things could go wrong. And I dont want that Domino effect to occur.

I probably wont be able to sleep tonight. We can check our UCAS Track at 8am tomorrow. I'm thinking to wake up early via alarm so I can check it right away. But at the same time I wanna get sufficient sleep. But then again, I might not even be able to sleep. So idk. The nervousness will probably be 100x more than what I'm going through right now. It feels like my heart is falling out of my chest. I feel like crying. The stress is real.

The worst thing is, I actually am preparing for the worst. I have never ever been like this before! I'm looking at another Uni just in case, but I really wanna be confident and not go that far to choose another Uni.

I seriously cant think.

I cant watch my k-variety show, I cant.. think.

Less than 17 hours. Oh, at least I can still count. Ha-ha-ha.

Wish me luck you non-existent guys.

Thank you.

I hope I'll be writing some good news the next time I update this blog.