너에게 나 하고 싶었던 말

고마워 미안해.

Hello guys! Yes, I'm back :) I re-created the background of my blog, if you haven't noticed. Just wanted a change, that's all.

So.

So many things have been going through my life. I'm finishing my A-Levels. Leavers' Day is on next Friday. It's a day where we all 'gather' everything in Sixth Form and we officially leave school. Officially. Well, except for the fact that we still have to go to school for revision classes/lessons for our exams. My last one is on the 19th June. I have been ranting on how much I hate school and how depressing it is to be there. But when I have my last Photography lesson, when I was pretty reluctant to stick the last piece of work into my book, I realised that everything is ending. Everything. And I actually feel sad. No more rushing to school, no more being in forms, no more lunch times with my close friends, no more nice food from the canteen (hahaha (I'm serious though) ), no more... idk. It doesn't seem like I had good memories because this year is really, really tiring. But. I think I will miss school. A lot. It's so hard to put this in words because 1) I really hate school because of History. Yes, specifically History. I detest it. I'll come back to that later. 2) Except for History I think I enjoy school. 3) I think it's because it's time to step out of my comfort zone and see the world.

I think 3) is the most complicated thing ever because, on one hand, I CANT WAIT TO GO TO UNI. But on the other, what if I don't like it? What if I (still) hate people? I'd be depressed my whole life. But then again, I THINK I'LL ENJOY IT. Hahaha.

It's my last day being 19 by the way. Yup, I guess this made me wanna write something on the blog because.. idk, I feel like it :) Can't believe I'm stepping into my third decade already. Time flies so quickly that I don't even know what I did yesterday. I went to New York last April and it felt like it was last month. I went back to Malaysia last July and, yup, it felt like it was last month too. It's things like these that make me sad. You grow older, and people around you grow even older. I don't mind about my age. But I realised that my parents are ageing so quickly too and it makes me so sad. My cousins are like a few years older than me and it's already their turns to get married! No more playful times. I miss the old days so badly. I miss playing Power Rangers with my cousins. And pretending that we had our naps by messing up our hair. Hahaha we were so cute back then. They are like my real siblings. My older brothers and sister. I wish I had an older brother. It's wishful thinking but seeing my friends' brothers take care of them.. I wish I have one too.

30 more minutes.

Talking about History. let me tell you why I hate it so much. 1) I don't get it. 2) One of my teacher is annoying. It's either he hates me or he is just a prick. Basically, I don't understand the topics and when he quizzed me, he had a go at me for not knowing stuff and he "shouldn't be telling (me) what he tells his Year 11 kids." That is the biggest insult ever. Then he went to my History teacher, making him ask me "Have you bee revising?" Okay. I don't mind it if I actually didn't work hard for it and stuff, but I DID. I tried. But nope, I'm stupid so I should be told off. He was like "My Year 11s have not been doing well in their assessments. I'm gonna have tell them off later." And I was there like. What? You scold kids for not doing well. God knows how much the kids will love you AND the subject. Plus, it's History.

Okay. Rant over.

Back to the proper things. I logged in and I saw some updates on my bestfriends' blogs. Some are happy and some not-so-happy. I just wanna tell them that.. I'm here! Not gonna be much help but I am a good listener... I guess. Hehe :)

Friendships are so weird. There are some people who have known you for ages but you end up finding that they are not your true friends but there are also some who have only known you for a few years but you're like BFFLs. I have both! -youknowwhoyouare- -winkwink- ;) I just wanna say thank you though. Thank you for putting up with me and not giving up on me when I get (really) annoying sometimes. I dont really. Hahaha. No, seriously. And sorry for anything wrong I have done! You know I dont mean it, right? It's so weird because it's like I'm talking to an imaginary friend hahaha but whoever is reading it.. you get what I mean.

15 more minutes.

I aim to finish this before 12am. Because I dont wanna drag it over into the next day. I'm OCD like that :B Well, before this I thought of so many things to talk about, but when I open Blogger, I ended up customising my blog layout hahaha one hour gone. I was watching Running Man before I thought of writing a post. So, this year, there's no birthday celebration, no birthday cake, no anything. I just wanna lay in my bed and have a Running-Man-marathon or Infinite-Challenge-marathon.. or a bit of both. Haha. But then I think my mom wants me to go to the Nike factory store with her to by my brother's stuff. So I guess.. there goes my plan. Plus, it's a Saturday so I'll have to help out in the shop anyways. I cant wait to have a proper birthday celebration. Proper as in having some me-time, not with a bunch of people whom I dont even talk to. Well, things don't go your way the whole time so might as well accept it.

Strangely, I feel excited. Haha. I do feel excited about my birthday, but always ended up... being disappointed? Not till that extent but, idk, maybe I expect more. But expect=disappointment. I understand that equation though. Hehe. It's time to find out who the real ones are though, 'cause my birthday is not displayed on my Facebook profile so no one would be notified. I'm not saying that they aren't real because they forgot/didn't know about it, but still, I guess that makes a bit of difference. Just saying :)

I guess this post nicely, although not perfectly, wrapped up the things I wanna say/that happened in the past year (as in, from last May or so).

Lastly, I really, really wanna say..
三姨，我爱你。 你还好吗？我很想你。

Goodbye, guys!

Edits: I FORGOT ABOUT MY EXAMS. WELL, I DIDNT ACTUALLY BUT WISH ME LUCK CS I'M GONNA NEED IT. THANKS IN ADVANCE. BYE!

And. Happy Birthday to me! :D

:D