Doubts.

Sometimes I wonder.

Am I pushing myself too far?

Am I picking up unnecessary burdens?

Will I be able to do this?

Will this be worthwhile?

I'm not supposed to be doing all these. 'Supposed' as in 'initially'. I don't know. Sigh.

And I mean History btw. I'm picking it up last minute and gonna sit for the exam next month/June (look, I don't even know the exam date pfft). I know I could do well in this. But it takes time. And lots of, lots of effort. I need some reassurance. I need someone to be by my side and say 'you can do it! i believe in you! *Hugs* (nah dont think it helps, but still).

I mean, where am I getting to through this? Over the past few days, I really enjoyed learning this whole new subject all by myself (although I just did two units -.-). But the feeling is gone today. Maybe I'll recover after I type this out.

Honestly I enjoyed learning this so much over the past few days that I feel a huge sense of satisfaction just by looking at the mind maps I've done. Maybe I'm having this 'lost' feeling because it's the last day of holidays. Not 'maybe'. It IS because it's the last day of holidays.

And I have this thought: I'm not meant to be doing this. I'm meant to enjoy my last few days of holidays. And do my Film Studies work (another major issue UGH). And I'm meant to be watching the dramas I've downloaded (now you see where this is getting to). And why on earth am I burying myself in a pile of work? Sigh. I'm so behind my study timetable. I planned to finish learning History by the end of this holidays because I know that I won't have tim to finish all these after the holidays. But I've only done 2 topics (out of 9 T_T) and I'm gonna have a mock for 5 topics that on Wednesday. And I have FS work not done. Which means no time to chill today. At all. I know I'm stressing myself out. I clearly know that. Just that I think I can do it. Nevertheless it's just or these two months! AND IT'S GONNA BE OVER. trust me. I can do it.

Just let me rant. I'm always like this on the last day of holidays. Feeling down and emo and sad and annoyed.

I wanna watch the drama series T_T and chill out in my bed. And I'm so sad because I'm halfway through the drama, which means it's gonna come to an end. It's such an awesome drama I don't want it to end T_______T

Okay time to pack it in. I'm feeling much better :) at least the weather's good today. It's pretty warm and there's sunshine. A tiny bit of motivation. And it's already 2pm T_T I'm gonna work my arse off today man. How sad pathetic emotional heart-wrenching whateveryoucanthinkof.

Kay bye.