:(

it's so difficult to get my hands on this blog.

I just kept getting distracted by other things and feel so lazy to blog.

But i know i have to blog, because i just have too many things to moan about today.

Sigh. You know that feeling when you feel everything goes wrong and you are just sad and moody for no apparent reason? That's what im feeling right now.

idk why. T___T

okay i probably know why and so let me start with the first one. WE'RE GONNA HAVE A DEBATE ON "duress should be extended as a defence to murder". Dont ask me what that's about, google it yourself. i dont even feel like talking about it but i have to because if not im gonna pass out anytime soon. So. this is our motion and apparently IM FOR THIS MOTION. which is really difficult because the whole world (all the law teachers) said this is the harder side. Like wth. My other law teacher went "well, good luck with that" T___T but the good thing is, i've done some prep work for this already in Mrs Flora's class and the worst part is we've got NO lesson to prepare (there's one actually, but Sir said we need to have our draft speech by that lesson) which means that we'd have to prepare ourselves during our free time. i see this coming tho. AND YOU KNOW IT'S ON THIS FRIDAY AND THE AUDIENCE/JUDGE WILL BE OUR PRINCIPAL AND SOME SOLICITORS -.- that day would be shitty, i believe so. but oh well. i dont mind doing it during my freetime because i have LOADS of freetime anyway but i need to make sure my teammates do it as well :/ i might start briefly preparing for them and just let them expand on the point and stuff. I was so touched when i ask them "shall we do this properly or just lose in it?" and they replied me "WE CAN DO IT. we'll do it properly and win!" awww. haha. and part of the reason is that thois whole thing will be counted in our application to university. so yeah. better be prepared. UGHHH I HAVE SO MUCH RESEARCH I NEED TO DO MAN. and im so scared because my friends were like "oh Ashleigh is here" and i was like NOOOO i cant talk LEAVE ME ALONE. im gonna have schizophrenia soon i think im talking and arguing to myself quite often. without punctuation. oh well.

So yeah. debate is causing me distress. Idk what i need to do. i actually wanna win as well. Cz that would really increase my confidence. But they have such strong team over there! they have about 3-4 people who are always willing to talk and speak up but i have quite a few quite people in my team :( and we've got the harder side. Sigh. i would feel so sad if we lose.

Okay so next thing: TRIP TO NEW YORK.
IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN. i wanna go to NY man. So. my school's business class is gonna have a trip to NY. and it's kinda organised by my Law teacher who will be teaching Business as well next year. The majority of my Law classmates do business so they're most probably going. And then when they were chatting about it i joined in and asked "SIR CAN I GO?" with that :B face. he told me quietly "you wanna go? ok, i'll sort you out" and i was like SO HAPPY. minus the money problem. But then when my friend asked him whether she can go, he kinda cant back up for us cz we dont do business :( and said if we signed up the teachers can consider. then after class i asked him again he said he'll think about it. T____T IT'S LIKE Y U GIVING MEH FALSE HOPES. NY man. i wanna go so badly. im trying to figure out how to tell my parents if im likely to go. i'd probaly tell them last minute after i've saved loads of money. It's £500 btw. So much money right i know :( but initially is £800+ and the school subsidised about £300. such a great opportunity! i really wanna go :( i should've made him promise me at the start hahaha. but oh well. i'll bug him till he lets me >:(

and my mom kept going on and on about my brother. and i was like what's the fuss about man -.- i feel so grumpy! it's cz my brother accidentally kept his phone on flight-mode so my mom couldnt contact him and she's like so worried and kept calling me and asking me all sorts of thing. sigh. i have so many other things to worry and fuss about and yet i still have to babysit my bro. what the hell man.

Actually that was it. Only three things to bring my mood down. oh yeah im having a headache now too. so four things. no actually, plus the weather. it's so shitty! rainy and cloudy all say it's like, HELLO SUMMER WHERE ARE YOU?! five things. doesnt matter about the quantity, it's the quality of the stressors. (this is where psychology comes in LOOL) so yeah.

let's talk about something happy. today we had a surprise party for Mrs Flora HAPPY BIRTHDAY MRS FLORA! we got her a cake and a mug with the class picture on it. She didnt really teach me but i did go to her class for quite a few lessons. she's one of the loveliest teachers i;ve ever met! my friend came late to school just to get her cake from the shop. and then after everything, she was telling Mrs Westwood (she got a surprise from her students as well because they were not going to school anymore after the exam today) how they were just doing their job and they teach us not to get any payback. and they said we probably realised and can see the effort they put into our studies although we know that they get paid. (sometimes i forget actually hahaha) so yeah. we do know what make them teachers different. We know that they get paid and are just doing their jobs. but it's the tiny extra things they do and the bond we have with each other. i mean, they can just let us copy everything in the textbook, end of. idk how to say it, but we knew that the things they do is a lot more than the things they should have done. i actually have to admit that i feel quite attached with my law teachers. haha. only law teachers :P honestly i've never feel this attached to a teacher before!

i'd cry when i leave school. definitely.