傀儡。

Hello guys.

It's the first week of school (I nearly written holidays, oh god)! Im not very happy with my school timetable you know. I just have no idea why everything tends to go so wrong when I was expecting something better. I didnt expect much you know. I just wished that I'm in the same Psychology and Law class and am allowed to study Geography and History. Is that too much to ask for?

Well, it probably is. 'cause apparently Im stuck in the afternoon Psychology class which is really stuffy and I dont even know most of the people there. Maybe God just wants to make this year tough for me. And when I thought "it's okay, just stay in the class!", all my friends decide to move to the morning class (my original class). What the hell is wrong? I cant move 'cause it's either I do Geog or Psychology in the morning. Both the subjects clash. I was like, why cant you move Geog into the afternoon block? They have a History group in the afternoon. Why cant they put History and Psychology in the same block? Now Im doing Geography by my own in a class of kids and Psychology alone.

It's like back to square one. Back to the very original position where I've always had to be on my own. Why must they do this to me? It's like, where are all my friends when I need them? My friends (4 of them) can just easily move to other class without caring about me. And then there's another friend who doesnt wanna join my class even tho she's alone in the morning class. Of course, Im not forcing her to move to my class. It's just that, why do i have to always be alone? I have feelings too you know. They didnt even bother telling me they're changing class. Oh. They actually did. One of them told me happily "We're changing class!", and I said "WE?" She was like, I dont know about you, but I am! What's that for? You dont have to brag you know.

Most of them just talk to me whenever they want help. To be precise, MY homework. I'm really hating school now. It just feels so strange to be there. Everyone feels like a stranger. Even my Psychology teacher. I dont know how Im gonna go through this year.

And then there's Geography. I havent got a clue about the subject. I dont know whether I can cope. I dont know whether it's too much for me at the moment. I dont even know how to answer a 3-mark question. The kids there are so playful. I dont even feel like I've learned anything today. I might actually drop out of this if I still struggle in these few weeks' time. Who cares how many traditional subjects I have anyway. I'll just apply to whichever Unis there are.

I talked to the Post 16 adviser about changing my Psychology class. And I told her that the room is really stuffy and it makes me dizzy, I cant even concentrate. I was speaking out the truth though. And she went "that's a shame if this is the reason." What shame? A stuffy classroom with one tiny window. It's the school's problem. You can spend some money and open another window. Dont blame me if I dont get a good result this year.

I tried to be so optimistic and positive, but there's always something that kills it. Now I dont see the point of going to school anymore (only for Law). I feel like dropping out of school. I'm so sick of everything in school. It's like I dont have true friends. Everyone just comes and goes whenever they like.

Maybe all this will change. Maybe I will feel better once everything is back on track. I must stop expecting things from school already. Im expecting too much. They dont even care anyway. Just doing whatever they think is fine. They wont even think about the problems we voice out.

For once, I cant wait to leave school.