Lost and found.

Idk what's with the title, but i thought it sounds cool and i didnt have a title. so yeah. hee.

SOOOOO. IT'S BEEN SUCH A LONG DRAGGY WEEK. i dont even feel like it's only been 7 days. more like 198210478924652 days. Honestly.

I can't really be bothered with my school now. It's not that I dont wanna work hard or anything. It's just.. A2 plus AS life is getting a bit out of control.

I was dreading for school this week. I feel sad, cs I love school so much that I want to go there every day. I think it's wrong perceptions. I think I didn't really know what I was thinking. I think I didnt miss school. I just miss my friends, the interactions with them and the interactions with the teachers. Oh and of course law lessons :P

Somehow, I dont really like my Psychology class anymore. Maybe it's the people, maybe it's the teachers. I feel like my connection, which used to be there, is slowly disappearing out of thin air. The lessons seem too draggy at times. One of my teachers is really cool and I dont think she likes us much. I mean, you have to let us feel welcomed in your class in order for us to focus. Now it's like.. a workshop. Basically, you just listen, and go home. I was thinking is it because of my friends? But then it shouldnt be, cs even in my original class last year, I only talked to Marcia.

And I used to dread going to Geography class, mainly because I feel like I dont know anything about it. Come to think of it, as long as I am willing to learn and pay attention, everything should be alright although it takes a lot of time getting used to it. Surprisingly, Geography today made my moody day a lot better. We re-do this assessment and I think I did quite well. Maybe it's just that I dont know the way to answer the exam ques at first. Oh btw, for the first assessment I've got 2/6. I was quite sad you know. But at least I know what Im doing now :) Also I think it's because I cant get used to the way the teacher teaches. AND YOU KNOW WHAT. today, i left my phone at the common room and asked her if I can get it. She's like, "No, you'll have to get it after lesson." and then i pleaded that I need to get my phone or else people will take it. She was like "what folder is it?" and i went No. My phone. "What subject is it for?" And I said, phone. Mobile phone. I wanted to cry so bad you know. HOW DID SHE MANAGE TO HEAR FOLDER INSTEAD OF PHONE? My pronunciation isnt that bad, is it? I was so annoyed. After that she realised OH, PHONE, and told me to get it quickly. And I was like ... okay. Imagine if she didnt let me go get it, I think I'll just storm out of the class. Actually no. I dont really know what I'll do. Im changing my phone next week anyway :P BUT STILL. MY PHONE MAN.

After that it went quite well. Cs after 1 hour, it's another teacher's lesson. I like the lesson more. It's about rivers. I found out that I like learning rivers. And I like how the teacher keeps asking me question to make me understand more. He knew that I've never done Geo before. Compared to him, the other teacher doesnt really care about me. It's like I wanna learn those key terms for my exams as well, but she only discussed with other students about it when checking the paper. She didnt even comment on mine. I feel as if she doesnt even bother making me improve so that I learn better. He had my homework in today, and he said mine was a good answer yay! Great achievement. But tbh it took me so long to do that question, after all those researches. hahaha. And I think I've told you about the residential trip. If I havent, I'm going to a trip over a weekend to do some measuring river work. It's about learning geographical skills. I was pretty reluctant to go actually. Because I dont know anyone there. But then I found out that the new Year 12s are actually really nice, and it may be a good breakaway whilst getting closer to the nature! :) Well, minus the amount of work we'll need to do there, and minus the amount of hw from other subjects that piles up over the weekend. It's gonna be hectic, man. And we're going there at 3pm on Friday, when I have law :(((((((( that's the saddest thing of all.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I was late to school today. "Officially" the first day Im late. It was marked on my register LOLL for the first time. Over the past few years, even though Im late, I'll say something like I was by my locker or it was because my teacher wasnt there yet. But today, I cant be bothered to put up with these stuff already. So when my teacher asked me "Where were you, See Kay?" I went, "Oh I was late Ms." That's it. But then after that I felt quite dumb HAHA. oh well. Cant be bothered anymore. I used to care so much about not getting "late" in my register etc. But now, it just didnt matter. It's sad how I dont really care so much anymore. Sometimes I think it's a good thing, sometimes I think it's bad. I think I am that kind of people where people think that "oh she never gets late", "oh she never skives", "oh she does her hw as soon as she gets home". But the truth is, IM NOT AS PERFECT AS YOU SEEM.

Sometimes I feel that maybe, it's those wrong perceptions that are making me stressful. I think people expect too much of me. I remembered yesterday, I had my Psychology class (we're not allowed to have breaktime anymore T___T), and at 3pm I asked my teacher if I can "go to the toilet". So I went to the common room where all my friends are. And one of my teachers said "Aren't you supposed to be in lesson young lady, (and then I told her that I told my teacher that I wanna go to the toilet), it doesn't look like skiving is something you'd do". IM A NORMAL STUDENT YOU KNOW. I NEED A BREAK TOO. people think Im psycho. People think I can face the books and be in lesson for my whole life.

I feel like letting myself all out and just be the badass girl that no one expects I would be. I mean, I used to be like that in Malaysia. What's the big deal? But then again, I've changed. And I think some part of me would want this change to be sustained. True, no? But it's really hard to become the goodie-goodie girl everyone thought I am. Well, maybe I am. (HAHA, *smirks*)

Oh I forgot to mention. I had a mock exam (basically an end-of-unit test), a 50-mark question. I revised from 9.30pm till 1am yesterday. And my mom came into my room after she's finished her work asking me to not study till so late. (I've only seen this in dramas, I never knew it is gonna happen to me :'DD) And she said, it's just a mock exam. I was like. That's right. It's just a mock exam. I treated it like a real exam you know. I dont know.. I just feel that.. it's my first exam, and I dont wanna let my teacher down. I wanna show him that I can do this. I bet he expects me to get high marks anyway. And that is probably why i didnt wanna risk doing bad in the exam. Maybe I'm just afraid of losing the attention a teacher gives me. I think what Im feeling right now is that (i dont even know how to put it into words) I dont wanna make them feel as if they've expected the wrong thing from me. I wanna prove it that if they say I can do it, I can. I think this is getting a bit too complex. But then a good thing is, I've revised for this topic. So it should be alright to revisit it some time later and I'd still be able to understand it. A win-win situation! :) For the test, I wont say that it was a perfect answer, but I've revised, and I did what i could :D

I'm so glad that Geography and most importantly Law made my Friday so much better. (It's probably PMS you know -.- just realised haha). My favourite day is now Tuesday and Friday. But I like Friday more cs the Geography class is shorter :P

That's basically it! (I wanna write "I think I'm ready for the upcoming challenges!" but then I thought NAHH. I'll get into more troubles and feel more stressed lol)