Neurotic.

I'm seriously getting a bit neurotic. Idk why.

As you know (you probably don't, really), SUMMER BREAK HAS BEGUNNNNNNN!!!!

I'm really excited actually. A part of me says the opposite. As usual. Sooooo I've got no plan actually. Well, my friend says I could go over her house to have some fun. Maybe during Eid. Dunno whether the plan will work. But I'll see.

I actually plan to 'be useless' and slack for three days. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I feel like reading/finish reading my book. I have so many books but I doubt that ill finish reading the, since I have so much work. I was so tired yesterday. Barely wanna move. And my mom was like, 'you look so tired. Is it because you overworked yourself over past few weeks?' Well, at least she noticed that I was working. Hahaha. That's why I feel like being useless for this week. But there's this part of me urging myself to 'GO DO YOUR WORK, ASHLEIGH.' :(

Oh yeah. We had this fundraiser car wash event to raise money for New York. We need to raise £3000 by next March/April apparently. Sounds a lot. But we'll work our way through. The car wash event was quite a disaster. Not in the profit aspect. We raised about £80 washing 20 cars (more or less). It was disaster as in I didn't work well with my so called friends. I don't wanna start a drama or anything. But it was really tiring because they said they were 'really tired' and ended up keep asking me to carry buckets of water for them. I don't really mind carrying buckets, but at least say PLEASE and THANK YOU. I'm not your slave, just so you know. They were like, 'Ashleigh, can you come with me to get some more water?' Although i was really tired, I agreed cz I thought who's gonna do it if everyone says they're tired? But then they immediately said 'oh actually we just need a bucket of water' and they just stayed there.

This is something that really gets me. Even my friend says that I don't normally get angry but this time... I just can't tolerate anymore. It was the second day (we had to wash one more car). I stayed with them till late evening on the first day to wash the cars too and FYI we went home together at 6.00pm. And one of them just claimed that I'm 'the least tired'. Like what the hell. I'm still quite gutted actually. But since it's the start of Summer break, I should let go of everything that makes me unhappy in school (don't think I can do it anyway).

One thing I've realised is, I don't really care about what most ppl think about me already. At this stage, i just wanna get on with my life and do the best I could to succeed. I don't have time for this kind of drama, pleasing everyone by obeying and complying with them. Oh btw, I know someone dislikes me in school actually. Idk what I've done, but I can feel that one or two of them were talking about me in their mother language IN FRONT OF ME. it's kind of ridiculous, really. But I don't really care. What can I do anyway? I find myself very different compared to how I was before. I used to question myself from time to time, thinking what I can do to prevent people disliking me (such ugly truth). But now, I'm being myself, kind of ignoring ppl who don't really like me. one thing is, I don't expect everyone to like me. But if you don't, please don't act like you do. It's really ugly. I rather someone just ignore me.

Oh yeah. I've written up my CV and cover letter to apply for voluntary/work experience. I've been to 3 solicitors firm, but they said they currently don't offer any work/voluntary experience. I've visited the Citizens Advice Bureau as well and applied for the Office Admin position. But they need 3 weeks to sort something out. And then I've been to this charity shop called Oxfam today. Again, they need 'a couple of weeks time' to get back to me. I was like, I DON'T HAVE MANY 'A COUPLE OF WEEKS' YOU KNOW. I wanna do something productive this summer. But everything doesn't seem to go smoothly ugh. But I'll still try. No matter what. I might just go straight to the Crown Court and see if they have anything to offer.

Talking about my Cv and cover letter, I'm so grateful to have my teachers to help me! Initially, I've written my first drafts and asked Mrs Westwood to proofread and check them. Then she tweaked and improved both my CV and cover letter. She emailed me this really detailed advice on how I can improve my Cv and CL. It was really really detailed. I was wondering that it must've took her really long to type that email :') Then she asked whether I want her to forward my CV and CL to the legal department in her husband's insurance company. :') and she asked me to send them to my other two law teachers Mr Iqbal and Mrs Flora as well. I think she told them about it yesterday in school (we finished school on Thursday but teachers still have to go to school on Friday haha). And then Mr Iqbal replied my email attaching his cover letter for me to use as a guide or something at 12.26am. I mean, surely teachers dont sleep early but then at least they took the effort to reply my email late at night :') WHERE TO FIND TEACHERS LIKE THEM?!!! Mrs Flora has been really helpful as well. She didn't even teach me (only taught me in revision class and when i gatecrash her class haha) but she kept helping me in finding useful voluntary work like the Witness Support org. But sadly I haven't got time for the 5-day compulsory training. I might do it next year. I can't stress this enough but I'm really grateful to have them as my law teachers. The teachers of my favourite subject aha!

Oh yeah. Back to the title, I said I'm being neurotic because I keep feeling like doing my work! Despite being the second day of the holiday! Idk why, but I just think I need to start doing my work already because I know that once I start slacking, I won't do my work (not this time tho, I know that I will do my work). I have waaaaaay too much work to do. I have:

- EPQ aka the 5000-word essay

- my law booklet (not really worried about cz ive got the textbook heeheehee) and case cards (not compulsory, I just wanna do it before it gets too late when teachers ask us to when school starts)

- my psychology booklet (now, this is really hard!) and essay (difficult as well).

- personal statement (the school is making me do it although I'm not applying to Uni this year hahaha but it's okay. I'll see it as a practice)

I should be grateful actually. Cz I've only got 2 subjects. Others have three because they are doing 3 A2 subjects next year. But EPQ man. This is the one I'm really worried about. CZ IDK WHAT TO WRITE. That's why I'm saying I'm being neurotic. I needa start figuring out what to write already. Or maybe finish my other work first.

so yeah. It's not too bad, is it? Not unless I keep slacking. Ugh. I think I need to create another study timetable. Haha. It's quite useful, u know! Hmm. But I won't be able to use my laptop till tmr/Monday :( MY HARDDISK IS BROKEN. It's being repaired now :( costs £80 :( so sad :( I've got no money man. I'm using my iPad (this is when iPad comes in handy heh :P - but look at the amount of typos i've made) not bad huh ;)

I'm going for a trip to the zoo in Dudley next Wednesday. I don't really expect it to be fun. Dunno why. I think I'm losing hope in school lol. I feel like going back to becoming the person who ignores the rest of the people in school, concentrating only on her studies. That's me last year. But then again, I'll hate school. I don't wanna hate school. I loved school. And some of the people there. Perhaps it's just these few days. I'm sure (hopefully) that ill be back to normal again when school reopens. NO ACTUALLY. WHEN I GET MY RESULTS BACK. OMGGGGGG RESULTSSSSS. I really hopeeeee ill get what I want. PLEASEEEE. I can't afford disappointing anyone. after all these things. 15th August. I'm starting to count down now :SSS really scared.

I bought 4 Thank You cards for my teachers but didn't give them on the last day of school. im such an awkward person :( My friend suggests me to give them on results day. I was like, oh yeaah. I'll give them IF I get good results. I really wanna T___T I won't know how to face my teachers if I don't. TOUCHWOOD. I will i will i will!

Okaaaay. I've got nothing more to say. WISH ME LUCK EVERY NOW AND THEN! I really need it :) IM STILL SO NERVOUS QFDRWVAJQOSIW

Bye.